Can we take the scary factor out of female exams?

Today I took my friend out to lunch after shopping and we were talking about the various doctor's visits we'd had within the last week and we discovered that there is way too much mystery surrounding the necessary exams women must have. She, being a Woman of a Certain Age, had her first mammogram today. She's been nervous for a week since her doctor ordered it. Today, she was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was No Big Deal and took about 30 seconds.

I remember my first pap smear. I got it right around 28 years old, and had been told by all the women I knew and TV that it was horrible, painful, traumatic. I put my feet in the stirrups, my doctor inserted the speculum, I felt something and done. And I said to her "that's it?" That was it. That was all.

Why the hell do we do this? Why don't we tell women (or men, for that matter) what to expect in these exams? Why do we shroud it in mystery and fear?  I put off a pap for the longest time because I was terrified. My friend thought the boob-squishing mammogram was going to hurt. Granted, these exams can be uncomfortable. Yes, it can be nerve-wracking to  let a stranger touch you or see you, but we prepare people for what to expect, these vital exams can be a lot more comfortable.


Remember kids, early detection is important.

Getting Sexy Back

My self esteem has taken a huge blow over the last few months with the loss of my libido. It put a strain on my relationship and made conversations difficult. In desperation, I did web searches for female sexual dysfunction; I did not want my boyfriend to be the type of man I write about, because I wasn't doing my job in my relationship. Everything I read talked about pelvic exams, cancer, hormones and menopause. I stepped back and thought "maybe I'm over-complicating this."

This past Friday night, as usual, Foot Fetish Boyfriend and I got together with our favorite married couple and their family for our weekly WWE and dinner. Boyfriend had been there a while before me, since he got out of work early. When I  got there, I could tell he was horny. He had that look. Anyone in a relationship knows what I mean. You get to a point where you can read  your partner. But I digress. So I had this horrible feeling that "oh god, he wants to have sex" and started to feel anxiety. Anxiety. Something is definitely not right there. I should not be feeling dread when it comes to sex with someone I care about.

Since we took separate vehicles, I was able to do some thinking on the way back to my house. I do a lot of my best thinking (and recipe building-- I'm a great cook) in the car. And that's where I realized that I had been over-thinking a lot of things. Now, I do think a lot of my libido issues are stemming from my bipolar issues and the medications I'm on. I'm working on that. But another thing I realized is that I just haven't liked who I am lately. I haven't felt sexy or desirable. I hadn't wanted to show off my body since I realized my weight gain and that had been getting me down in a big way. So when Foot Fetish Boyfriend advanced , I put out a verbal hand on his chest and said "not tonight, but... maybe Saturday. Here's my proposition..."

What did I do? I gave myself a spa day. I  took the day and made myself feel sexy and feminine. Starting from the feet up with a pedicure, a manicure (had it not been snowing, I would have gone for a professional pedi; my feet were in rough shape), a French green clay mask, de-fuzzing of my winter fur, moisturizing, and a day filled with chick flicks, I felt totally refreshed and relaxed and sexified again. And when he got to my place, I was on my second drink and had a Disaronno and Sprite waiting for him. Sex was still difficult because I'm just not getting wet, but thanks to a sampler that my good friend Amanda sent me from her Athenas store, I had a lube sample that did the trick quite well.

And there you have it, children, your heroic author was able to have sex for the first time in months. The libido is come-and-go, and I can't help that, but at least I know that feeling good about myself and having a good solid "me" day is excellent sexual therapy.

U.S. widens definition of rape crimes

Well it's about time. No changes in 80 years? Read the article.

Via Lifescript

It's Like that Annoying Alanis Morrissette Song

When I first started this blog, my goal was to define the Other Woman's side of things, give insight into why men may cheat on their significant others. I said it in the very first post that I would swoop on men who are not getting what they want or need from their women. And here I am, sitting here, in a relationship and my boyfriend and I haven't had sex since before Thanksgiving. It's January 9th.

It's all me. I haven't wanted sex. I haven't been horny, mentally or physically. I don't want to give blowjobs. I've tried "taking one for the team" but it's hard to be fucked when you're dry as a bone. I'm one of those women who isn't taking care of her man's needs and I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm weepy, my self-esteem is shot, and I feel like the worst girlfriend ever. He's frustrated. Conversations about sex are tense, and I cry a lot. I don't know how to fix it.

I feel broken.

Happy New Year

This will most likely be my last entry of the year unless I come up with something good in the next couple of days. I tried to have sex a couple of weeks ago. First time I've been horny in ages (I have a doctor's appointment in January) and I dried up at penetration. So frustrating! Then last night Foot Fetish Boyfriend had to settle for a blowjob because I just haven't been horny. At all. Not even mentally horny. Some sex blogger I am, eh?

Anyway, we'll see what the New Year's celebration brings. I bought enough liquor tonight to make my liver fall out and damn it all, I am going to get fucking trashed. And maybe laid. And most likely puke at some point. But it's a party! Woo!

Hey, any readers from New York City? I'll be visiting in March for my birthday and I want to know some good clubs with house music, or, even better, dubstep. Love and kisses forever for some recommendations! Just leave 'em in the comments!

Do good works

I wanted to post something in the spirit of the season, which should be, in all reality, the spirit of every day, but it's not, for most people. I know for me it usually isn't. What I'm getting at is be good to each other. Life is too short. Holidays are especially difficult, whether it be due to loneliness and depression, loss, poverty, whatever.

I am unemployed. I am receiving food stamps and just this week got approved for my unemployment benefits. Things got very hairy for me for a while. But I'll be okay. However, when good friends said that they were going to have to pawn personal possessions, and play "which bill doesn't get paid" in order to give their kids a Christmas, I couldn't stand idly by. Unbeknownst to anyone, I went to the grocery store before arriving at their house for one of our get togethers and bought them $80 worth of groceries and offered the use of my credit card to pay their bills (with payback later) so that they could buy gifts.

I also dropped a bag of food off at a local business that was collecting for a couple of local families because I found out via one of the owners that they had had barely any donations. For all the people that are in and out of the shop daily, no one could bring in a can of food. I would have brought more, if I could have brought frozen food. I took from my pantry, and I am not wanting for it. There are people a lot more worse off than me.

So, not to sound preachy, because there is no religious or ulterior motive behind this, just do good by your fellow man. It actually feels kind of good. It's something I'm going to bring up to my therapist today, because while I was helping my friends, and buying extra presents for my loved ones, donating food to the less fortunate, I didn't have time to be depressed. It's not enough to make me run out and volunteer because let's face it, I'm lazy, but if I can do these small things and feel good, maybe others can too.

Do good things, people!

Oh! The Scandal!

Wikipedia has a huge list, in chronological order of political sex scandals in the U.S. should you care to look them up. They go back quite far. I've been thinking about sex and politics lately, since the politicians are putting in their bids and trying to be their party's favorite for the running toward the presidency. I'll try to keep actual politics out of it because I don't enjoy talking about politics in general, but damn, that Buchanan woman is a fucking peach now, isn't she? Hiss.

The first time I ever really took notice of political sex scandal was back in 1998 (jesus... graduating high school and entering college. Now I feel old) with Bill Clinton. Now, his taste in women was questionable, but if he liked that little pork sausage, to each his own. But that was the first time I was like "this is just dumb." And it was. Did getting some in the Oval Office affect how he ran things? No. Not in the least. At least, not from what I could see, and in my newly-18-and-I-can-vote scrutiny, he was actually doing a good job of things.

I'm gong to say something, and it may shock some of you, so you may want to sit first:

People have sex. Even politicians.

Gasp! I know! And they have unhappy marriages and affairs, just like real people! Who'd'a thunk it? Listen, I know it makes good press, and it's awesome if you're actively trying to roust someone from their seat to take over and you come across this dirt on them to expose for your own gain, but honestly? It's none of our business, and a little gross to publicly shame them for getting their dicks wet. I imagine being a politician is stressful so if you gotta get off, to relax and get the tension out, so be it.

Politicians: they're people too.