How to Cheat and Not get Caught

I know that I haven't written a lot in the original spirit of this blog, which I started to write exclusively about being the Other Woman but then started to explore my own sexuality, sexual politics, and education, so, sleepless, during a snow storm, I realized that my laptop had juice and that some neighbor had power (and I don't) and a weak wifi signal I could piggyback off'n. So here we go. Run-on sentences and all. The Other Woman's guide to not getting caught cheating.

1. Make sure you've paid attention to CSI
Yes, I'm being serious. Leave no trace. If your lover comes to your house or apartment for your tryst, you damn well pick every hair up that they shed from the couch, bed, and rug. Tape works wonders. And if their hair is longer than your partner's, make sure you go over everything with a fine-toothed comb. Say you are a man cheating on your female lover with another female. Ask your lover not to finger-comb her JBF (just been fucked) hair out in your place. Those hairs shed and it's something you have to clean up after. And don't toss them in the bathroom trash either.

2. Trash
Don't flush your condoms. Your wastewater management people will thank you. Bury them in toilet paper in the trash. Someone bring you a yummy treat? Bury it in the trash, or, better yet take it out to the dumpster or take all the trash out (look honey, you didn't have to ask!). Something so innocent as a fast food wrapper can tip a suspicious partner off, trust me.

3. Delete delete delete
I don't care how sentimental and touching the text messages and voicemails are, delete them. Delete all call history and, in certain phones, all contact history. Sure you could have the person in the phone; "who is this?" "oh someone from work/sports team/activity/AA." Anyone can rationalize someone in their phone book, explaining explicit or emotional texts is harder when you have a snoopy  and suspicious partner.

4.Ditch the email, too
Or, at least create a super-private one if you must have email contact with your affair, but for the love of god delete your cache, cookies, and browser history. If your partner stumbles across a second email address they never knew about it's harder to lie about. It's an old one you're suddenly using again? You decided you didn't want Facebook linked to your regular email account? Yeah. Lame. 

Alrighty, I've run out of steam. Anyone else have any other tips?

Big Big Love, Review part 1

Buy Big Big Love on Amazon

 

 

Here is the first part in the long-awaited book review I promised. Since I am only about 1/3 through the book, today I am only going to cover a very small-- but very important-- part of the book. In fact, if you only read part of the book, this is the part I would want everyone to read. So everyone, pull my blog up on your smartphones, run to your local book store, pick up Hanne Blank's Big Big Love (Revised) and open up to the page entitled A Brief Introduction, With a Side of Debunking. Page 1, if you're lazy.

I don't care if you don't give a rat's ass about fat sexuality. Everyone should read the introduction to this book, especially if you have some fat-phobic tendencies. Right off the bat, in the third paragraph, Blank pulls out a statistic that people like to gloss over: 

Technically speaking, about one-third of adult Americans are obese by the BMI-happy standards of the Centers for Disease Control. At a rough estimate, that's about a hundred million people... this represents a wide range of people... with a couple handfuls of extra junk in the trunk to the fattest among us, and it represents a wide range of experience. (pp 1-2)

So what she's saying is... lots of us are fat. Get over it. Everyone has sex. I view the introduction to this book as a bit of a wakeup call to those who shudder and say "who would tap that mound?" or "she must be desperate!" As a society, thin is generally the accepted "pretty" and the only model of desirability. Blank's introduction is a fat-positive slap in the face to that. She can be pretty blunt, but her writing also has a bit of humor behind it, alleviating the sting.

While it might seem that she comes out in your face and aggressive with fat-positivity, it is all leading up to the next section in the book, which is about debunking common myths related to fat people and fat sexuality. Personally, I loved this section. My boyfriend is heavy and he has a lot of concerns related around these myths about his own body and this section was extremely helpful to me in opening a dialogue with him. I also told him I want him to read this book when I'm done with it. I think it will help his self esteem a lot.

Another thing that pops up in the introduction which is awesome are the personal anecdotes and survey answers provided by research done by Blank. Not only has she dedicated years of her life to writing fat-positive materials, she has also included the real-life voices of fat people and fat lovers in her book, both in interviews and side-bar quotes. They are a treat to read and really makes the book much more personal and intimate and relatable. I carry extra "junk in the trunk" myself and it really does help to hear positive words from others, even if in print, to build that positivity and confidence and love in myself. Part of why I selected this book in the first place is that you don't see much about fat sexuality or much that is fat positive on book store shelves. This screamed to me to buy it. So far, I love what I am reading. I hope this encourages you to read it too. Follow the link I provided to amazon and take a peek.

A documentary review instead

Porn is such a hotly debated issue so tonight I'm watching "The Price of Pleasure" streaming on Netflix. I like some porn, love Playboy, so let's see how this is...

55 minutes later...

Wow. I should have known from the title how skewed and anti-porn this documentary is. In a nutshell:

Porn is only watched by men
Porn is demeaning to women
Porn exploits women and minorities
Porn ruins relationships
Porn makes all women feel bad about themselves
Porn sexualizes violence against women

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Once they got into porn making violence against women okay because it embraces violent scenes I almost turned it off. It's like they took every seedy part of the industry and then touched on the BDSM lifestyle to attack a multimillion dollar industry with skewed facts looking at only heterosexual porn aimed at men. They interviewed men and the women they interviewed were either researchers who were trying to find violence against women or were themselves the victims of abuse/broken marriages due to uncommon or abnormal viewing or use of pornography. It just was not objective at all.

Bad documentary, bad. Now go to your room and think of what you've done.

Books? Books!

It's taking me too long to read a book I bought to review here just because of life (I enjoy reading immensely) so I'm thinking about writing about sections of it. Whatcha think? Tonight is wrestling night with friends so I may not get to write anything until tomorrow but I'm just really excited that I found a really good sexuality book in my local chain book store! More to come. In the mean time, if you have any good recommendations on books about sexuality, gender roles and equality, even if they're used for college courses (*cough* you know who you are *cough*) please leave me some comments so I  can look them up!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I actually put this on my Facebook earlier today but it bears repeating:

I've been sitting on this a while, and I have to say something. October is breast cancer awareness month, and all around me I see retailers cashing in on this by splashing everything with pink. Seriously people, look before you buy something in "support" of any cause. This is an issue close to my heart as my Nana fought 3 rounds of breast cancer. NOT EVERYTHING PINK GIVES PROCEEDS TO SUSAN J. KOMMEN OR BREAST CANCER RESEARCH. Marketers want to tug at the heartstrings of survivors and families of survivors to turn a quick buck. Please check tags on clothes, look at labels, do your research. Make sure that if you're supporting through a third party and not donating directly that your money actually goes to the charitable cause, or to a cause at all. I'm not one for encouraging copy/paste but if you do want to pass it along, go ahead.