Recently made a connection with a man who is a dom in the BDSM community. Had great conversation and had some of my questions answered (and I always have more). I'm defined as a switch but being submissive is a challenge for me. Perhaps I'll find a good dom to teach me more.
After a slew of entries I dried up a bit. Sorry everyone. I've been hit hard with migraines this week and trying different meds to get them under control. I'm not too coherent when I'm in pain. But man, have I gotten good at bejeweled and gotten caught up on this season of Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days?
So there are a lot of ways to say "having sex". Even more than when I was a kid. So why is it so hard for us to use a simple, monosyllabic word that originated from Anglo-Saxon language? A lot of our fun words come from that language, so why is S-E-X so hard for people to say? We use fun euphemisms and crude hand gestures (I'm not knocking them; I'm one of the first people to throw up a crude gesture in any conversation) but rarely say the word. Why is that?
Back in my day... Hmm. Well wait a minute. "Sex" isn't a word I ever heard at home. In fact, I had to learn about sex from HBO. Not that my parents were negligent but perhaps it was that I was such an introvert that they never bothered. I was a smart kid and always watching documentaries and reading books. Sex was just not a topic that was discussed, either with proper terms or euphemisms. All I knew growing up is that my sister's boyfriend-- while living with us-- was heavily discouraged from sleeping in her room with her and that my Nana really didn't want my cousin sharing a bedroom with her girlfriend when they visited. Happy oblivion.
Now I'm all grown up and have no problem talking about sex, so it begs the question: why isn't everyone else? We're all adults, right? I would like to blame Christianity for this one. Okay, so they're an easy scapegoat, but really. Judeo-Christian dogma has, for centuries, deemed sex to be a sin unless for the express purpose of producing children, Thank you, no. I found this little snippet from this website quite interesting:
So, with that said, I leave you with a song from my childhood (1991, really? Jesus, I'm getting old).
Back in my day... Hmm. Well wait a minute. "Sex" isn't a word I ever heard at home. In fact, I had to learn about sex from HBO. Not that my parents were negligent but perhaps it was that I was such an introvert that they never bothered. I was a smart kid and always watching documentaries and reading books. Sex was just not a topic that was discussed, either with proper terms or euphemisms. All I knew growing up is that my sister's boyfriend-- while living with us-- was heavily discouraged from sleeping in her room with her and that my Nana really didn't want my cousin sharing a bedroom with her girlfriend when they visited. Happy oblivion.
Now I'm all grown up and have no problem talking about sex, so it begs the question: why isn't everyone else? We're all adults, right? I would like to blame Christianity for this one. Okay, so they're an easy scapegoat, but really. Judeo-Christian dogma has, for centuries, deemed sex to be a sin unless for the express purpose of producing children, Thank you, no. I found this little snippet from this website quite interesting:
Those who believed the lie and chose the anti-sexual body-rejecting path to perfection soon found the Biblical account of Adam and Eve frolicking naked and unashamed through the Garden ( Genesis 2:25 ) a rather embarrassing quirk in the religious record that needed to be explained away. Hence, Adam's expulsion from the Garden was taken to mean that he had been booted out for having had sex with Eve [8], who was portrayed as an evil sexual seductress who caused the curse to fall upon an otherwise perfect man. Sex, therefore, was to be viewed as part of the curse, the evil deed that got man into trouble; and woman was responsible.Is that why we just can't talk about sex in plain words? It has been so deeply ingrained that it is evil and dirty and unmentionable. I also think the hesitation to talk about sex openly comes from people's fear of opening up and risking judgment from their peers. Sex is an incredibly intimate and personal act, and to open up about something that personal leaves a certain vulnerability for those who would otherwise label and judge. There's also kink factor; what other people enjoy is often seen as taboo by others. Shit, look at this blog. There's a whole lot of taboo on these pages. But I am comfortable enough to talk about it.
So, with that said, I leave you with a song from my childhood (1991, really? Jesus, I'm getting old).
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Why sexuality education is important
I took a human sexuality class in college as an elective. On the first day of class I told my professor "I wish I had been given this at the onset of puberty." Let's face it, when we get our sex ed in school, it is very basic: girls learn about their periods in a very sterile, sunshine-and-rainbows way, and boys... what did the boys learn? See, when I was in school, what the other gender learned was a mystery. I didn't even know how babies were made and through a lot of my pubescence thought women got pregnant from heavy kissing. After all, that's what happened on TV, right? Here's what I remember about sex ed, in a nutshell: remember your pituitary gland and girls write letters to their friends about their periods and sanitary products.
That's it. I had no idea what a penis was or what one looked like. Had no idea about sex or pregnancy. Nothing. And it's no surprise how many girls in my graduating class ended up pregnant or with kids by the end of high school. Hell, a girl in my 8th grade class had an abortion and that was scandalous (but then again this was in the 1990's). We did all kinds of projects about STD's and AIDS in junior high and high school, but I don;t think we really knew really, the importance or significance of these things in our lives, but boy howdy, did we know every STD that ever sprouted on a person's genitals.
Listen, people, sex and sexuality education is important. I had no idea, growing up, that it was okay to be a sexual person, that masturbation was okay, and the youngsters these days are set up even more for failure with abstinence-only education and the battle over condoms being handed out in school. Little girls are getting pregnant younger and younger. Both girls and boys struggle with sexual identity in a world where there are no "safe spaces" set up for them to do so. There are so few educators and outreach people that are there to provide safe, nurturing, educational environments for these kids and it's sad, especially in very rural areas where you can often find that what is considered a societal norm in sexuality is a mindset that is decades in the past.
My foot fetish friend said tonight that this blog is becoming something real. I hope so. This is not just about cheating and affairs, this is an expression of myself, my sexuality, a candid look into an otherwise normal person's life in the effort to reach out to others, touch others, encourage discussion and hopefully stimulate conversation about healthy sexual relationships and interactions. If I can affect one person only, then I've made a difference.
And, if you haven't clicked any of the blogs I've been following, please please read the Sexademic's Troubled Teen Survivor Story. The link will bring you to part one. It is eye-opening and terrifying at once. It was incredibly brave to write about such a traumatizing past, and has inspired me to be much more open and candid.
That's it. I had no idea what a penis was or what one looked like. Had no idea about sex or pregnancy. Nothing. And it's no surprise how many girls in my graduating class ended up pregnant or with kids by the end of high school. Hell, a girl in my 8th grade class had an abortion and that was scandalous (but then again this was in the 1990's). We did all kinds of projects about STD's and AIDS in junior high and high school, but I don;t think we really knew really, the importance or significance of these things in our lives, but boy howdy, did we know every STD that ever sprouted on a person's genitals.
Listen, people, sex and sexuality education is important. I had no idea, growing up, that it was okay to be a sexual person, that masturbation was okay, and the youngsters these days are set up even more for failure with abstinence-only education and the battle over condoms being handed out in school. Little girls are getting pregnant younger and younger. Both girls and boys struggle with sexual identity in a world where there are no "safe spaces" set up for them to do so. There are so few educators and outreach people that are there to provide safe, nurturing, educational environments for these kids and it's sad, especially in very rural areas where you can often find that what is considered a societal norm in sexuality is a mindset that is decades in the past.
My foot fetish friend said tonight that this blog is becoming something real. I hope so. This is not just about cheating and affairs, this is an expression of myself, my sexuality, a candid look into an otherwise normal person's life in the effort to reach out to others, touch others, encourage discussion and hopefully stimulate conversation about healthy sexual relationships and interactions. If I can affect one person only, then I've made a difference.
And, if you haven't clicked any of the blogs I've been following, please please read the Sexademic's Troubled Teen Survivor Story. The link will bring you to part one. It is eye-opening and terrifying at once. It was incredibly brave to write about such a traumatizing past, and has inspired me to be much more open and candid.
Friday, June 24, 2011
College IS for discovery, right?
I went to a college only 30 minutes from home. Naive to the ways of things, I thought that my new roommate, whom I shall call Butterfly (and if she reads this, ever, will know right away this is about her and who is writing it) was simply awesome. We had everything in common, and she came into the arrangement with a 30" TV and 3 gaming consoles. We had the biggest TV in our all-girl dorm. We were in geek heaven, between our electronics and books and posters and constant watching of sci-fi. We made cool friends and all hung out together (except, when they went to smoke pot I stayed in the room. Only once did I "walk" with them and it was terribly awkward).
Upstairs on the third floor lived a girl whom I shall call Army K. She was roommates with Sudbury K, who had incidentally gone to high school with Butterfly. Army K was very openly lesbian. In fact, when I questioned what a dental dam was, she whipped one out of her drawer and demonstrated on an imaginary vagina. Okay, then. She was short and loud but very, very out. I had gay friends back home but I had never met someone that was bordering on militant.
Fall semester went on. My sponge-like mind was filled with knowledge and new experiences and thoughts and ideas. I met new people, learned about their experiences. And then one by one the lesbians came. One night Army K and Sudbury K cornered Butterfly and said "are you a lesbian?" Now, Butterfly had a boyfriend. This wasn't questioned before. Without answering, Butterfly came back down to our room and locked herself in. Fancy that, I didn't have my key. She wouldn't answer when the others knocked but I eventually was let in (it was my room too, after all).
That night, in the dark as we lay in our respective beds on either side of the room, she finally came out. It really bothered her that the others were so in her face about it. It was a turmoil she struggled with. She entrusted the first outing to me. I paid her in kind. It was then that I confessed that I was bisexual, and had really come to realize it after a lot of thought after she had asked one night, "would you ever kiss a girl?" to which I unwaveringly and unhesitatingly said "yes.'
Now, I know what you're thinking, gentle readers, that this was a dream come true for two newly non-heterosexual females, but alas, it was not. I went home every weekend, being the homebody that I am, and over that first weekend, Butterfly met a girl at a party, and started dating her right away. I did not like this girl, and yes, I was jealous. I was madly in crush with Butterfly. I would passive-aggressively misspell her girlfriend's name, belittle her, make sniping comments, and write lovelorn poetry. One day, Butterfly sat next to me on my bed, held my hand, and let me cry out my feelings on her shoulder. So there you have it. My first girl crush.
I've since gotten over it, and we are still friends, although we don't talk as much as we used to, mainly, I think, due to location. She's working on her doctorate and is in a committed relationship to a really sweet and intelligent girl. And I? Well, I'm doing my thing. I really should message her on facebook and see if her number is still the same...
Upstairs on the third floor lived a girl whom I shall call Army K. She was roommates with Sudbury K, who had incidentally gone to high school with Butterfly. Army K was very openly lesbian. In fact, when I questioned what a dental dam was, she whipped one out of her drawer and demonstrated on an imaginary vagina. Okay, then. She was short and loud but very, very out. I had gay friends back home but I had never met someone that was bordering on militant.
Fall semester went on. My sponge-like mind was filled with knowledge and new experiences and thoughts and ideas. I met new people, learned about their experiences. And then one by one the lesbians came. One night Army K and Sudbury K cornered Butterfly and said "are you a lesbian?" Now, Butterfly had a boyfriend. This wasn't questioned before. Without answering, Butterfly came back down to our room and locked herself in. Fancy that, I didn't have my key. She wouldn't answer when the others knocked but I eventually was let in (it was my room too, after all).
That night, in the dark as we lay in our respective beds on either side of the room, she finally came out. It really bothered her that the others were so in her face about it. It was a turmoil she struggled with. She entrusted the first outing to me. I paid her in kind. It was then that I confessed that I was bisexual, and had really come to realize it after a lot of thought after she had asked one night, "would you ever kiss a girl?" to which I unwaveringly and unhesitatingly said "yes.'
Now, I know what you're thinking, gentle readers, that this was a dream come true for two newly non-heterosexual females, but alas, it was not. I went home every weekend, being the homebody that I am, and over that first weekend, Butterfly met a girl at a party, and started dating her right away. I did not like this girl, and yes, I was jealous. I was madly in crush with Butterfly. I would passive-aggressively misspell her girlfriend's name, belittle her, make sniping comments, and write lovelorn poetry. One day, Butterfly sat next to me on my bed, held my hand, and let me cry out my feelings on her shoulder. So there you have it. My first girl crush.
I've since gotten over it, and we are still friends, although we don't talk as much as we used to, mainly, I think, due to location. She's working on her doctorate and is in a committed relationship to a really sweet and intelligent girl. And I? Well, I'm doing my thing. I really should message her on facebook and see if her number is still the same...
Oh look, it's 3am again...
I've been gathering research materials for another soapbox post. I just need to read it over and formulate my thoughts on it before writing. I've been getting good feedback about this blog. If there is a topic anyone wants broached, or a question to be asked, please, leave a comment or email me at slutyouneverknew@gmail.com . I would like very much to write a blog people enjoy reading. Sexuality is something people huff and puff about but so rarely talk about so earnestly and openly, so let's build dialogue, shall we? And with that thought, I just thought of another "background" entry I could write. Maybe I'll write up entries in bulk to have more consistency in posting. Hmmm... now there's a thought...
Thursday, June 23, 2011
I'm Batman! Or, What is the Norm?
Last Friday I had an amazing luncheon with one of my few readers that knows my true identity, kind of like how Alfred knows Bruce Wayne is really Batman. While discussing graduate school programs over baked brie, pondering my future as a public health worker, she mentioned that in this blog, I don't talk much about myself as a person. She used some sort of fancy word from philosophy to describe how I should approach it, however, it being almost a week ago and I having the memory capacity of a Post-It note, am going to have to wing it.
Growing up, I don't think anyone would have pegged me for what Cosmo charmingly called a "super predator" author of this blog. I grew up in a lower middle class family in Maine, which in and of itself is a mostly rural area. My siblings are all vastly older than me so growing up was a lot like being an only child. I was (and still am) very imaginative, was always a good student, but very introverted and shy.
I was a good student, and started amassing a large collection of books very young. I was a kid that loved to read and was inspired by music, art, and literature, when most of my friends were obsessed with New Kids on the Block, I, well, I was too, but I was also obsessed with Rachmaninoff and Bach (still obsessed with Bach). My parents were not terribly cultured, although it was my Mom's piano classics tape I got hold of and never gave back. It was also watching my Mom reading all the time that really encouraged my own love of books.
So, let's fast forward to the high school years. Dun-dun-dunnnn. I was self-conscious about my body. I wore bras that were too small to bind down my breasts that were rapidly getting bigger and bigger. I wore baggy clothes to cover them. I had horrible acne and hated (still do) washing my hair. I had my core group of friends and was by no means popular. I hung out with the other middle class kids, envied the kids with money with silent loathing, and shunned the poorer kids, the white trash, as it were. I had close guy friends but no boyfriends. By the time I graduated high school (with honors, mind you) I had never been kissed or even groped by a guy.
We, as a society, have preconceived notions about nature vs. nurture, especially when dealing with sexuality. I wasn't abused, I had a happy childhood, and while my family wasn't an excessively hugging family, I don't have a daddy complex. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 27. I'm intelligent, still quite introverted, and am as likely to be seen thumping down the road in my car with a Maria Callas CD in my stereo as a Tool album. I still live in what I affectionately refer to as The Rural-- Central Maine-- and work for a thankless evil big telecommunications company.
So, where do I fit in the stereotypes? I don't.
Growing up, I don't think anyone would have pegged me for what Cosmo charmingly called a "super predator" author of this blog. I grew up in a lower middle class family in Maine, which in and of itself is a mostly rural area. My siblings are all vastly older than me so growing up was a lot like being an only child. I was (and still am) very imaginative, was always a good student, but very introverted and shy.
I was a good student, and started amassing a large collection of books very young. I was a kid that loved to read and was inspired by music, art, and literature, when most of my friends were obsessed with New Kids on the Block, I, well, I was too, but I was also obsessed with Rachmaninoff and Bach (still obsessed with Bach). My parents were not terribly cultured, although it was my Mom's piano classics tape I got hold of and never gave back. It was also watching my Mom reading all the time that really encouraged my own love of books.
So, let's fast forward to the high school years. Dun-dun-dunnnn. I was self-conscious about my body. I wore bras that were too small to bind down my breasts that were rapidly getting bigger and bigger. I wore baggy clothes to cover them. I had horrible acne and hated (still do) washing my hair. I had my core group of friends and was by no means popular. I hung out with the other middle class kids, envied the kids with money with silent loathing, and shunned the poorer kids, the white trash, as it were. I had close guy friends but no boyfriends. By the time I graduated high school (with honors, mind you) I had never been kissed or even groped by a guy.
We, as a society, have preconceived notions about nature vs. nurture, especially when dealing with sexuality. I wasn't abused, I had a happy childhood, and while my family wasn't an excessively hugging family, I don't have a daddy complex. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 27. I'm intelligent, still quite introverted, and am as likely to be seen thumping down the road in my car with a Maria Callas CD in my stereo as a Tool album. I still live in what I affectionately refer to as The Rural-- Central Maine-- and work for a thankless evil big telecommunications company.
So, where do I fit in the stereotypes? I don't.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Spankings
I haven't played with a taken guy in a while, but I have been playing with my foot fetish friend (alliteration, yay) a lot lately. Last might he came over for dinner and tv (i like getting people addicted to tv shows. Last night it was "Dead Like Me") and I invited him to stay over because it was really late. I woke up to cuddles and his hands wandering all over my body.
We started with a fingering but I dried up mid-way so I gave him a hand job and offered to let him cum on my ass. I'm not sure when the spanking started but he has HUGE hands which are great for spanking. He had me begging for more, and then begging for his cock. Rawr. What a good start to the morning.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
With the girls
Talking to my older sister and my 21 and 19 year old nieces in our hotel room after our sailing trip reveals that i've had the most partners and the most kink. But we are laughing so much!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Size Queen
Now, I'm a "size queen," I like big cocks and I like big tits. But sometimes, a big cock can be at a disadvantage. Case in point: anal. I do not enjoy anal with a huge cock. Maybe I'm a bit of a wimp but I'm too focused on the pain and can't enjoy a huge cock in my ass as much.
Last night my shoe fetish friend stopped by and before I knew it I was on my knees in my (overly hot) bedroom getting pounded in the ass from a guy who is average in size. And hot damn, between the scratching and biting and fucking, it was good. He whipped out his phone after and took some hot pictures. Rawr. My favorite one shows my face so, alas, it shall not appear here. Too bad, my tits look fantastic in it, too.
Last night my shoe fetish friend stopped by and before I knew it I was on my knees in my (overly hot) bedroom getting pounded in the ass from a guy who is average in size. And hot damn, between the scratching and biting and fucking, it was good. He whipped out his phone after and took some hot pictures. Rawr. My favorite one shows my face so, alas, it shall not appear here. Too bad, my tits look fantastic in it, too.
A little BDSM quiz
Quiz is here
You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.
You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.
| Switch | | 93% |
| Exhibitionist / Voyeur | | 93% |
| Experimental | | 79% |
| Sadist | | 57% |
| Dominant | | 54% |
| Masochist | | 50% |
| Bondage | | 50% |
| Submissive | | 39% |
| Degradation Lover | | 25% |
| Vanilla | | 25% |
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The start and dissolution of a friendship through sex
I'm going to elucidate a bit on the entries that I put up here and here, and it probably won't be pretty. I'm going to copy/paste the emails I received, but as always, names will be omitted. For the sake of this, I am going to change my friend's name to Bondage Friend, capice?
To give a little back story to this whole thing, I met Bondage Friend on World of Warcraft. I was Horde, he was Alliance, but I met him through my best friend. A whole group of awesome guys, actually. We all chatted, joked, and eventually they all came over to the dark side and played Horde with me. We Facebooked, and it progressed to texting. Because I am a very sexual person (and let's admit it, geeks are perverts) conversation turned toward sexuality and exploring it. He revealed to me that he's a dom (dominant, for teh newbs) and thought I could learn and expand on my sexuality. We talked a lot. I was curious, asked questions.
Ready to take my curiosity to the next level, we got on Ventrilo (a communication program for in-game conversation, again, for teh newbs) to "play." I had my beloved glass dildo and a package of clothes pins handy, and was willing to submit. He guided me, telling me where to put the clothes pins, starting with my nipples. He had me ease my glass dildo anally. I sent him pictures with my phone as we went. Soon, I had clothes pins springing from my labia and circling my breasts. I was very close to orgasm but then the pain in my left nipple started to overwhelm me (the skin has been broken there from one too many aggressive bites) and I started to panic a little. Gently, he guided me to removal, which hurt much, much worse. I hobbled to the kitchen for ice and cried and screamed but I got them off. He talked me down, and once I had taken some breaths, he told me I had done well, and if I had finished the adrenaline would have taken care of the pain. Ah, hindsight. To this day I am still a little afraid of clothes pins.
Time went on an he bought me a web cam, but sadly the only thing we used it for was for him to show me just how good he is at giving his roommate a blow job. Which was hot. Damn. We continued to talk, I told him of my sexual escapades. We got very close. Then he mentioned coming to visit, to see if a relationship would work. Me being me, I told him "You don't want a relationship with me, I'm emotionally unavailable." Fearing the thought of someone getting close, I ran. Yes folks, your intrepid Other Woman is a coward.
As time passed, I helped him with his writing assignments in college (I've got to use my English degree somewhere, after all) and he told me, as we communicated, that I would probably like flogging and that he would take some classes in it before coming up for my best friend's wedding. I was excited! I love spankings and mild pain and this seemed right up my alley. One evening, while doing an on-the-fly paper editing over the phone, he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had been helping him with his assignments when I mentioned that the quality of his writing was improving. This gave me pause, because in our conversations, he had never once mentioned that he had met someone. I questioned this, and asked if all the plans were off for the week of the wedding. He assured me that she understood what would happen when he got here. I don't mind being the Other Woman, but I want to know I am. I don't appreciate deception.
I already described what happened the night of the encounter in this post so I won't reiterate. Now for the fun stuff. The Shit Storm (tm). After he left (and forgot his phone at the hotel, wtf) I emailed him because I hadn't heard from him at all. I was worried. He was having kidney problems. Here is what I got as a response:
To give a little back story to this whole thing, I met Bondage Friend on World of Warcraft. I was Horde, he was Alliance, but I met him through my best friend. A whole group of awesome guys, actually. We all chatted, joked, and eventually they all came over to the dark side and played Horde with me. We Facebooked, and it progressed to texting. Because I am a very sexual person (and let's admit it, geeks are perverts) conversation turned toward sexuality and exploring it. He revealed to me that he's a dom (dominant, for teh newbs) and thought I could learn and expand on my sexuality. We talked a lot. I was curious, asked questions.
Ready to take my curiosity to the next level, we got on Ventrilo (a communication program for in-game conversation, again, for teh newbs) to "play." I had my beloved glass dildo and a package of clothes pins handy, and was willing to submit. He guided me, telling me where to put the clothes pins, starting with my nipples. He had me ease my glass dildo anally. I sent him pictures with my phone as we went. Soon, I had clothes pins springing from my labia and circling my breasts. I was very close to orgasm but then the pain in my left nipple started to overwhelm me (the skin has been broken there from one too many aggressive bites) and I started to panic a little. Gently, he guided me to removal, which hurt much, much worse. I hobbled to the kitchen for ice and cried and screamed but I got them off. He talked me down, and once I had taken some breaths, he told me I had done well, and if I had finished the adrenaline would have taken care of the pain. Ah, hindsight. To this day I am still a little afraid of clothes pins.
Time went on an he bought me a web cam, but sadly the only thing we used it for was for him to show me just how good he is at giving his roommate a blow job. Which was hot. Damn. We continued to talk, I told him of my sexual escapades. We got very close. Then he mentioned coming to visit, to see if a relationship would work. Me being me, I told him "You don't want a relationship with me, I'm emotionally unavailable." Fearing the thought of someone getting close, I ran. Yes folks, your intrepid Other Woman is a coward.
As time passed, I helped him with his writing assignments in college (I've got to use my English degree somewhere, after all) and he told me, as we communicated, that I would probably like flogging and that he would take some classes in it before coming up for my best friend's wedding. I was excited! I love spankings and mild pain and this seemed right up my alley. One evening, while doing an on-the-fly paper editing over the phone, he casually mentioned that his girlfriend had been helping him with his assignments when I mentioned that the quality of his writing was improving. This gave me pause, because in our conversations, he had never once mentioned that he had met someone. I questioned this, and asked if all the plans were off for the week of the wedding. He assured me that she understood what would happen when he got here. I don't mind being the Other Woman, but I want to know I am. I don't appreciate deception.
I already described what happened the night of the encounter in this post so I won't reiterate. Now for the fun stuff. The Shit Storm (tm). After he left (and forgot his phone at the hotel, wtf) I emailed him because I hadn't heard from him at all. I was worried. He was having kidney problems. Here is what I got as a response:
Wow. That night I was so mad that I walked a good 5 miles in anger, texting Bondage Friend's roommate the whole time for information, venting, raging. When I calmed down a little, I emailed back:
At this time I am needing to break off all contact you, beacuse of my decision to have sex with you. I do thank you for the help you provided for me, in my english class. If you still want to contact me, you will have to do so through my girlfriend [name omitted]. She can be reached at [girlfriend's email]
I have no confidence that you will actually see this message but since this is my only option, I have no choice. I am hurt and offended and angry. I feel as though our friendship has been cast aside with no consideration for my feelings. I get a very cold, 2-line email from you with no explanation or option for 2-way dialogue whatsoever. I have immense respect and admiration and trust (shit, I let you see me cry for christsakes) for you and to be cast aside so easily without any honest explanation is, quite frankly, bullshit. I wish you would have an open dialogue with me, at least, so we can get everything out on the table. I am still willing to help you with your comp2 stuff when need be. I don't abandon so easily. When you get your phone back, call. Email, text, vent, whatever.To which I got an email reply from his girlfriend, not from him:
I will pass this email to Bondage Friend. Bondage Friend and I have an agreement when it comes to the mess that happened while he was in Maine. I gave him the option of telling you whatever he wanted as a reason for no longer contacting you, including that I was being a demanding, jealous bitch. That I was hurt so badly by the man I love, he was surprised that I simply didn't just walk away. He will also be getting a copy of what I send to you. If he decides to send an email further explaining just -why- he has cut off communication with you is really up to him. I will agree to him sending one. If he doesn't send one explaining more, that's his decision. And, he let me read what he sent you, which I did not require. He stated very bluntly that it was because of his decision to have sex with you that he was cutting off ties. While this is not an in depth explanation, you can't say that there was -no- explanation. When I told him what he had to do in order to stay with me (which is a demand I have -never- made in my life and never thought I would), he didn't balk or try to negotiate. I'm not saying this to hurt you, I am merely stating what happened. To be honest, I was shocked that he agreed so readily.I did not respond back. I'm toying with it. I also did not get a response back from Bondage Friend. So there you have it kiddos. Make sure in all things sexual and interpersonal that clear lines are drawn and defined and that dialogue is always clear and concise. It really is a pity I had to lose such a good friend after all that, after all, his rope work was spectacular.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Just put me out to pasture
Got home from the ER about an hour ago with a diagnosis of hip bursitis. No sex for me for a while, although the doctor said I have good range of motion in the joint. Maybe as I languish in agony I'll go a little bit deeper into when the shit hit the fan last week. We'll see. Things might start changing around here.
Friday, June 3, 2011
A note on open relationships and partner agreements
If you and your partner have an open relationship or make agreements about out-of-relationship sex/play, make sure the third party is aware fully of the agreements and terms before getting them involved.
Real life scenario (that happened to me)
friend: so my girlfriend bla bla bla...
me: wait, girlfriend? Does this mean we don't get to play when you get here?
friend: she knows about you and what will happen
me: (thinking everything is hunky-dorey) okay, good
friend and me: *giggity*
friend's gf: RAAR RAAR HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU ANY MORE
So yes, gentle readers, apparently their agreement and the agreement I knew of wasn't the same, hence I have lost a good friend. Boy, do I feel maligned and jilted and really, really pissed off.
Real life scenario (that happened to me)
friend: so my girlfriend bla bla bla...
me: wait, girlfriend? Does this mean we don't get to play when you get here?
friend: she knows about you and what will happen
me: (thinking everything is hunky-dorey) okay, good
friend and me: *giggity*
friend's gf: RAAR RAAR HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU ANY MORE
So yes, gentle readers, apparently their agreement and the agreement I knew of wasn't the same, hence I have lost a good friend. Boy, do I feel maligned and jilted and really, really pissed off.
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