Today I took my friend out to lunch after shopping and we were talking about the various doctor's visits we'd had within the last week and we discovered that there is way too much mystery surrounding the necessary exams women must have. She, being a Woman of a Certain Age, had her first mammogram today. She's been nervous for a week since her doctor ordered it. Today, she was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was No Big Deal and took about 30 seconds.
I remember my first pap smear. I got it right around 28 years old, and had been told by all the women I knew and TV that it was horrible, painful, traumatic. I put my feet in the stirrups, my doctor inserted the speculum, I felt something and done. And I said to her "that's it?" That was it. That was all.
Why the hell do we do this? Why don't we tell women (or men, for that matter) what to expect in these exams? Why do we shroud it in mystery and fear? I put off a pap for the longest time because I was terrified. My friend thought the boob-squishing mammogram was going to hurt. Granted, these exams can be uncomfortable. Yes, it can be nerve-wracking to let a stranger touch you or see you, but we prepare people for what to expect, these vital exams can be a lot more comfortable.
Remember kids, early detection is important.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Getting Sexy Back
My self esteem has taken a huge blow over the last few months with the loss of my libido. It put a strain on my relationship and made conversations difficult. In desperation, I did web searches for female sexual dysfunction; I did not want my boyfriend to be the type of man I write about, because I wasn't doing my job in my relationship. Everything I read talked about pelvic exams, cancer, hormones and menopause. I stepped back and thought "maybe I'm over-complicating this."
This past Friday night, as usual, Foot Fetish Boyfriend and I got together with our favorite married couple and their family for our weekly WWE and dinner. Boyfriend had been there a while before me, since he got out of work early. When I got there, I could tell he was horny. He had that look. Anyone in a relationship knows what I mean. You get to a point where you can read your partner. But I digress. So I had this horrible feeling that "oh god, he wants to have sex" and started to feel anxiety. Anxiety. Something is definitely not right there. I should not be feeling dread when it comes to sex with someone I care about.
Since we took separate vehicles, I was able to do some thinking on the way back to my house. I do a lot of my best thinking (and recipe building-- I'm a great cook) in the car. And that's where I realized that I had been over-thinking a lot of things. Now, I do think a lot of my libido issues are stemming from my bipolar issues and the medications I'm on. I'm working on that. But another thing I realized is that I just haven't liked who I am lately. I haven't felt sexy or desirable. I hadn't wanted to show off my body since I realized my weight gain and that had been getting me down in a big way. So when Foot Fetish Boyfriend advanced , I put out a verbal hand on his chest and said "not tonight, but... maybe Saturday. Here's my proposition..."
What did I do? I gave myself a spa day. I took the day and made myself feel sexy and feminine. Starting from the feet up with a pedicure, a manicure (had it not been snowing, I would have gone for a professional pedi; my feet were in rough shape), a French green clay mask, de-fuzzing of my winter fur, moisturizing, and a day filled with chick flicks, I felt totally refreshed and relaxed and sexified again. And when he got to my place, I was on my second drink and had a Disaronno and Sprite waiting for him. Sex was still difficult because I'm just not getting wet, but thanks to a sampler that my good friend Amanda sent me from her Athenas store, I had a lube sample that did the trick quite well.
And there you have it, children, your heroic author was able to have sex for the first time in months. The libido is come-and-go, and I can't help that, but at least I know that feeling good about myself and having a good solid "me" day is excellent sexual therapy.
This past Friday night, as usual, Foot Fetish Boyfriend and I got together with our favorite married couple and their family for our weekly WWE and dinner. Boyfriend had been there a while before me, since he got out of work early. When I got there, I could tell he was horny. He had that look. Anyone in a relationship knows what I mean. You get to a point where you can read your partner. But I digress. So I had this horrible feeling that "oh god, he wants to have sex" and started to feel anxiety. Anxiety. Something is definitely not right there. I should not be feeling dread when it comes to sex with someone I care about.
Since we took separate vehicles, I was able to do some thinking on the way back to my house. I do a lot of my best thinking (and recipe building-- I'm a great cook) in the car. And that's where I realized that I had been over-thinking a lot of things. Now, I do think a lot of my libido issues are stemming from my bipolar issues and the medications I'm on. I'm working on that. But another thing I realized is that I just haven't liked who I am lately. I haven't felt sexy or desirable. I hadn't wanted to show off my body since I realized my weight gain and that had been getting me down in a big way. So when Foot Fetish Boyfriend advanced , I put out a verbal hand on his chest and said "not tonight, but... maybe Saturday. Here's my proposition..."
What did I do? I gave myself a spa day. I took the day and made myself feel sexy and feminine. Starting from the feet up with a pedicure, a manicure (had it not been snowing, I would have gone for a professional pedi; my feet were in rough shape), a French green clay mask, de-fuzzing of my winter fur, moisturizing, and a day filled with chick flicks, I felt totally refreshed and relaxed and sexified again. And when he got to my place, I was on my second drink and had a Disaronno and Sprite waiting for him. Sex was still difficult because I'm just not getting wet, but thanks to a sampler that my good friend Amanda sent me from her Athenas store, I had a lube sample that did the trick quite well.
And there you have it, children, your heroic author was able to have sex for the first time in months. The libido is come-and-go, and I can't help that, but at least I know that feeling good about myself and having a good solid "me" day is excellent sexual therapy.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
It's Like that Annoying Alanis Morrissette Song
When I first started this blog, my goal was to define the Other Woman's side of things, give insight into why men may cheat on their significant others. I said it in the very first post that I would swoop on men who are not getting what they want or need from their women. And here I am, sitting here, in a relationship and my boyfriend and I haven't had sex since before Thanksgiving. It's January 9th.
It's all me. I haven't wanted sex. I haven't been horny, mentally or physically. I don't want to give blowjobs. I've tried "taking one for the team" but it's hard to be fucked when you're dry as a bone. I'm one of those women who isn't taking care of her man's needs and I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm weepy, my self-esteem is shot, and I feel like the worst girlfriend ever. He's frustrated. Conversations about sex are tense, and I cry a lot. I don't know how to fix it.
I feel broken.
It's all me. I haven't wanted sex. I haven't been horny, mentally or physically. I don't want to give blowjobs. I've tried "taking one for the team" but it's hard to be fucked when you're dry as a bone. I'm one of those women who isn't taking care of her man's needs and I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm weepy, my self-esteem is shot, and I feel like the worst girlfriend ever. He's frustrated. Conversations about sex are tense, and I cry a lot. I don't know how to fix it.
I feel broken.
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