Guilty confession time

I figured since I have a migraine keeping me up I might as well post a bit while I wait for my meds to kick in.

I write a lot on here about responsibility and sexual education, but I must admit, I don't practice everything I preach: I don't use condoms.

I. Hate. Them.

No matter the lubricant, the technique, the thinness of the material it still feels like you're fucking a plastic bag. And forget marathon sex with one of those! Once lubrication is gone, the horrible pull of latex on skin in and out in and out is like an Indian rope burn... On your vagina.

So what does this cumslut do? I'm on the pill. I get tested regularly and make sure my partner(s) do too (I've been pretty much monogamous with Foot Fetish Friend and he has too so no worry there). No babies for me. EVAR~

Speaking of babies, I was in line at the pharmacy at CVS today to pick up my prescription and, glancing to my right at the condoms and pregnancy tests I noticed a DNA paternity kit. You can buy those in the drug stores now? I wonder how accurate they are? I may have to investigate...

No one dropped a house on me

Being  a natural born Mainer I knew Hurricane Irene wouldn't make landfall here and wouldn't amount to much more than wind and rain here. I sat back on my laurels and laughed at everyone panicking and mocked them all in a Mort from Family Guy voice-- you know, that thick New England Jewish accent. I had a lot of fun calling it a "Herricane" and fretting about mocking the masses. But yes, your intrepid author did not blow away, nor did a tree or lawn furniture fall  on her. Just thought I'd let you know. Contemplating something of a partnership with a vendor of adult products. Keep tuned!

Being Alpha Female

Picture it: Sicily, 1938... Central Maine, I-95 Southbound, Summer 2011...

"One of these days I'm going to drive over to Oakland when you're not with me and have at it with her! I'm tired of her bullshit!"

Blame it on the steady diet of heavy metal, rap, and Jersey Shore, but I have a very dominant, aggressive streak in me when it comes to other women (or "dumb bitches" as I like to call them). I am territorial, sniping, and make sure that when I am going to be around other women that there's not contest that I am the best looking. I may submit to men, but with women, I'm all alpha, baby. If I could mark my territory by peeing on it, I probably would.

Urban dictionary has quite a few definitions  about what an alpha female is, but the first definition is pretty succinct, in my mind:

An Alpha Female is a dominant female in a group. She dates as many males as she wants, is strong and confident, and a hard worker as well as often busy. She is usually sarcastic because she's powerful and playful. Alpha Females are intelligent, intellectual problem solvers; and though being an alpha female is more of a state of mind than a physicality, an alpha understands that dressing up or sexy increases her power in society, so she does it. Alpha Females are often terribly misunderstood by Beta and lesser males, as evident by the other posts about Alpha Females, and when this happens, she's called a bitch, a cunt, or a whore ... Alpha Females prefer passion over romance...

This website also has some perspective on alpha/beta/omega males as well.

On researching alpha females, and what makes us what we are, there is frustratingly little research it seems, on the link between female aggressiveness and hormones. According to psychology researcher Steven Stanton in this article, "...estrogen is very behaviorally potent and is actually a close hormonal relative to testosterone. In female mammals, estrogen has been tied to dominance, but there has been scant research examining the behavioral roles of estrogen in women." Why is that? Is it because we're supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice? Motherfucker I will cut you! I also found that this page on alpha dominance was quite interesting and had some good links.

Let's face it: I have more estrogen than you. I'm curvier, boobier, prettier, with shinier hair and sexual potency. And bitch, don't you even look in the direction of a man I might be interested in!

I may follow this up with something more anecdotal but I'm starting to lose steam after researching  those articles. Usually I have them queued up and ready before hand, but tonight I just sat to write.

Sorry guys!

I haven't had any new content up in a while and I'm really sorry about that. I am officially on medical leave from work and stressing hard about how I am going to pay bills. I do check my stats daily and I am beyond thrilled that I am being found by search engines and that there are more international readers popping in. Hello! Anyway, I have wonderful supportive friends who have been helping me through the emotional stress, including Foot Fetish Friend, but with the support comes TEH DRAMAZ ONOES! That, though, is a whole 'nother entry about my female dominance and my sheer and utter need to scratch a  couple girl's eyes out. We'll get to that another day.

My libido is still shit but a reader (and good friend in real life) sells adult products and set some samples to me in the mail so we'll see if those work to bring me back to life down below. Maybe I should get back into reading trashy romances? Hehehe...

Anyway, I just wanted to put a quick entry up and let you all know I'm not dead. Oh, and those of you who know me on FetLife: I haven't logged in in a while so if you've sent me messages I'm not ignoring you. Same with the email address for this blog.

The office slut

It was about a year ago that I first met Foot Fetish Friend. We met at work when we were on the same production/sales team at work. Our teams consist of two supervisors and then about 15 peons sitting in a horseshoe formation around the supervisor's desks. Foot Fetish Friend started our relationship by being two of the corner desks that faced each other, so we could communicate via the glass partition between us and some careful backwards writing. We soon became friends.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a pretty open book when it comes to my sexuality. Why should I hide it? Okay, so maybe it's not professional to talk about, but seriously, my sexuality was a lot milder than a lot of the conversations we all had that were definitely not "'HR appropriate." No one said anything to me so we all talked, I talked, Foot Fetish Friend and I talked (we were merely friends back then as he struggled in his epic fail of a relationship) and everyone seemed to get along. Seemed.

You see, no matter what masks people put on for the workplace, no one likes the office slut, regardless if she has actually done anything with a coworker or not. The men are intimidated by the confidence and the women are jealous of it. It wasn't until much later into the 6 month stretch of our time together as a team that Foot Fetish Friend told me that everyone on our team-- including the head supervisor-- had expressed a concern that I was paying too much attention to him and that they didn't want to see me ruin his relationship with his girlfriend. I was very upset when I found out. As I mentioned before, no one had said anything to me.

I certainly felt the ostracism though. No one came to my desk on breaks to chat except Foot Fetish Friend. The head supervisor moved everyone's desks around and put Foot Fetish Friend and I on opposite sides of the room. It was certainly shitty, to say the least.

Let's fast forward a little, to the last month or so that the team was together before we broke up and went to other teams. Foot Fetish Friend, after a lot of contemplation and talking it over finally broke it off for good with his girlfriend when he found her on a personals website. Poor guy at that point hadn't had sex in ages and was hungry. One day on our lunch break we snuck off to KFC for some popcorn chicken and the super tall snow banks in the parking lot. We didn't have sex, but as Borat would say, we had some "sexy times, yes."

Sex didn't actually come until the shift change. Foot Fetish Friend and three of our coworkers followed our old supervisor to her new shift. For a little while, since our lunches overlapped, I would sit with them at lunch, until it was clear I was being patently ignored. Again, they ganged up on him, until finally he confessed that yes, we had sex. (And yes, when I say they, I include the supervisor too, hateful bitch. I really wish I could have gotten her fired.) Their reactions? "Ew" and "I hope you used a condom!"

I may talk a big game, but did I ever give any indication that I was not clean, that I wasn't safe? No. I was really hurt and really, really angry. He defended me multiple times and shouldn't have had to. I'm not a bad person, but when you open yourself up, people will find the bad and overlook the good. Oh well. That particular supervisor doesn't work there any more (voluntarily, ugh) and of two of the individuals in question that backed Foot Fetish Friend in a corner, one seems... okay with it. Maybe it's because Foot Fetish Friend showed him a nude of me... ha!

So, before just judging the office slut, stop to think, there's a person in there. Now, if she's a skeezy skank of a person, ostracize away. But if she's a good person (and a good cook, cough) get to know her. She just might make you banana bread.

The first time I "stole" a man

I went browsing back through entries and it's been a little while since I did an "about me" entry. As I mentioned in this entry, I was a late bloomer. I did not have my first boyfriend until I was 22, in college. At this point, I was a part-time student, commuting, and spending a lot of time with my friends in the computer and anime club offices (which were adjacent, and I was an officer in both). I was in computer club that I met Hot Filipino.

Let me explain the dynamic of the club. I was one of two girls. Comparing me to the other girl was... like comparing a beautiful Friesian to a common pony. Yeah, a pony is cute but a Friesian has poise  and elegance and presence. While the other girl and I were friends-- and good friends-- there was always the Female Struggle for Dominance. So when we spotted Hot Filipino, our fangs and claws were out.

Hot Filipino was tall, thin, fucking cute and very shy. He joined computer club and we all became good friends. Pony Girl had the benefit of living on campus to have more face time with Hot Filipino, since I commuted and had to work in my hometown. But, as girls, we talked about boys, and she blatantly had a crush. We had the "you wouldn't go after a guy I was interested in, would you?" conversation one day to which I said "no!" We'll get back to that.

Time wore on and winter came. Pony Girl asked Hot Filipino out on a date, to see if they would work as a couple. They had a fun date, but decided to stay friends. She was cool with that. One day we three were goofing off in the office and we wrapped Hot Filipino in wrapping paper, and then went walking through town, the three of us holding hands, picking up our secret santa gifts for the party later on. The Christmas party with my friends was a blast and the person who got my name got me the gorgeous book I had been drooling over that was way over the set price limit for gifts. Pony Girl and I sat on either side of Hot Filipino, each holding his hand. The night wore on, the lights were off in the student center and in the office and we all sat around talking. After she let go, I kept holding Hot Filipino's hand.

Eventually we realized it was extremely late, and since there was a no sleeping in the office rule, we went to get the bag from my trunk that had a blanket and pillow (my mom insisted I have it in there) so that I could crash on Pony Girl's floor. It was far too late to drive 30 minutes home through dark, isolated farmland.

I think it was the next day that Hot Filipino asked me out. He told me he liked holding my hand, my laugh, how I showed my vulnerability in the discussions after the party. We met up and went to the movies. Like any relationship based on physical attraction, we made out a lot. For the record I was 22. Hot Filipino was the first boyfriend I mentioned at the start of this entry.

It's been several years, so I don't remember how everything went down 100%, but I broke the "no sleeping in the office rule" one night and Pony Girl stormed in and slammed the door, waking me up (bitch) and confronted me when everyone was gone. "Why did you lie to me?" she asked. "When did I lie?" I asked, confused. "About not going after someone I was interested in. You said you'd never do that, you lied!"

Ah. That.

We had a girl spat where I defended myself with "you had your chance and decided to be friends, he was fair game" and ended with her unfriending me on AIM, Livejournal, and sending me a breakup email. She always had a flair for the dramatic. In fact, she overreacted to everything all the time that everyone in our circle of friends had my side, and so did Hot Filipino.

Eventually Pony Girl and I made up and Hot Filipino and I broke up. We are all still friends (not as close any more, since we're all out of college and on our own paths now).

So there you have it. The first time I could officially be called a man stealer.

WHERE did my libido go?

I never wanted to be one of those frigid women, pushing my partner away when he approaches me for sex. I love sex! A few nights ago, knowing that my fwb has been frustrated due to lack of sex I grabbed him by the shirt and brought him into my room. He spanked me, fondled me, licked. Then told me I was dry as a bone.

What the hell has happened to me?

I haven't wanted sex in weeks. Yes, I'm stressed, yes, I'm dealing with chronic migraines and a lot of meds, but really, did I have to lose my libido too? I don't even get mentally horny any more. As the author if this blog and a very sexual person, I'm very, very frustrated.

Just, grrrrr.