Repercussions

As exemplified over and over, this lifestyle has repercussions which sometimes result in the loss of friendship. I feel pretty wounded and hurt and abandoned.

A foray into bondage

A week ago, my best friend got married. I was the hot maid of honor. There were plenty of men that could have had me, but I was focused on one: a friend who had come from out of state for the wedding, a dom active in the BDSM lifestyle. I handed him my car key before I started knocking back cosmos and told him  "you're my designated driver." I'd had some concerns that he was going to have a change of heart since I found out he has a girlfriend back home, but I guess they talked about it and knew what he would be doing.

Like a gentleman he helped me out of my many bobby pins and my dress (which to my dismay has a stain from a maraschino cherry on it) and started to build a harness around my torso out of soft, red rope. I have to say, while snug, it was quite comfortable. Once finished with the torso harness he took my leg in hand and made another harness above my knee and tied it to my torso, and likewise with the other, until I was in the perfect formation for doggy-style. Or, flogging.

Face-down on one of my jacquard pillow cases, I couldn't see what was happening. He took my glass dildo and slid it in my ass, then, there was a soft whump and I felt something on my legs. He started soft, flogging my thighs, my backside, progressing in strength, aiming for the dildo. It was intense. I remember backing up for more, clawing at the sheets.

The sex itself was brief due to me having a bruised tailbone (yay clumsiness) and he having just had surgery. I hope to eventually play again.

Just a quickie

Between the hectic week of my best friend's wedding, having friends up from out of state to visit and then getting a two-day migraine I have been remiss in updating. I will post more later, including my first real foray into BDSM. I just wanted to say I appreciate my readers and thank you for still checking in to see if there are updates. More to come.

Aw, thanks!

Wow, I've gotten some really wonderful words of kindness and support over my last post, and I appreciate it. Thank you, all! :)

I woke up today to a text message from The Business Partner because I hadn't been by the shop lately, and apparently my presence  (or my boobs) was missed. So we flirted via text, sent him some pictures. He is a mountain of a man; I seem to only go for the ones that are much taller than me, haha. I'm not sure if something will come out of it but we'll see. As I mentioned before, he and his wife are in a nonmonogamous relationship. Maybe I'll wait until he re-pierces his cock...

Speaking of cock, my best friend is getting married next week (next week?! Shit... I really need to find a handbag and clean my makeup brushes and check on my dress...) and I will be the hot maid of honor. I have at least one boy lined up, we've been planning since the wedding was announced, and he lives in the BDSM lifestyle. There may be some interesting posts the week of the wedding... :)

Vulnerability

A few days ago, Number 1 invited me to come over after work on Saturday night (that would be yesterday) for a threesome with his girlfriend. I was pleasantly surprised with the presence of a video camera (there's another off my bucket list).   It was a pretty routine three-way for us... a blow job, she and I ate each other out, another blow job, then he'd alternate fucking us. Another first was sitting on the girlfriend's face. Number 1 told me later he had intended his girlfriend to sit on me, to dominate me. I laughed and looked at her and said "I  think we all know I'm the alpha female in this bed."

After we were done and I had made him a sandwich (because of stress and lack of money, he hadn't been eating) I curled up on the foot of the bed and asked if it was bed time. "You have a half hour drive ahead of you' he said.

Wait, what?

Yes, as I have mentioned before, this lifestyle is very lonely. I have been craving affection, a simple cuddle, and the only man I invest emotions in sends me on my way. It is a measure of comfort having the anonymity of the Internet that I show any vulnerability. I cried the entire way home, cried myself to sleep, cried this afternoon when I woke up. The truth is,  I am lonely. Sex is nice and all, but sometimes I want something as simple as to be held, for someone to pay attention to me when we're not fucking.

My problem? I am far too honest about my lifestyle. One that I would trust for a relationship of any kind does not trust me, because he knows me. Bah.

We all have our off days.

It's just a little blood!

I was thankfully not stricken with insomnia again, so I was up and awake and naked on my bed when my married booty  call arrived. I was laying half on my side and half on my stomach (yeah yeah, I was playing games on my phone) when he came in. He fingered me quite vigorously (gave me the shocker too) and then said "you're bleeding."

For a little back story, I lost my virginity at 27, and bled like a pig the first  few times. Bled enough that I ruined a mattress and had my blood clotting time tested. I eventually grew out of it. But men, the vagina is a delicate environment. Please cut your nails.

Because of a little blood, we had anal sex. He's small enough that it didn't bother me, but really? Anal because of a little blood when he had once said that fucking me on my period, when there's a lot more blood, would be good because then he couldn't get me pregnant. Bah. Not that that's a concern, anyway.

But really, what is this squeamishness? Now, I understand not every guy is into period sex. It's very messy and let's face it, it's a little odd to fuck something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die (I totally stole that line from Family Guy). But a little blood from rough-housing when you're both clean? No excuse not to fuck me silly. So unfulfilled. *sad face*

I will, however, get lovings and cuddles from my two 3-way partners tomorrow night after work. Booty at 1am is so worth it when I know I'll get what I need.

Over-sleeping

First off: HOLY SHIT. I logged in to see more page views in one day than I ever have. Amazing! Even if someone comes across the picture in a Google search it means that I'm becoming more easily accessible. My hope is that the ones that visit accidentally hang out a while and read. :)

Since I had some pretty bad insomnia last night I spent the night scouring ye olde Interwebnet for interesting things to read. Looked for more foot fetish stuff, played about on FetLife (hi FetLife readers!) found another really good article about slut shaming and also read up on the foods I should be eating (gotta be healthy, you know).

Insomnia, however, is a bitch. I ended up having to cancel my rendezvous this morning. I don't like morning booty calls so much but when they're married and that's their lunch hour, you kind of have to go on their schedule. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight and can reschedule for tomorrow. One fun thing about insomnia is I helped talk my friend off into cumming about three times last night via text. Always one to help a friend.

Shoe Fetish

I stumbled across the Shoe Fetish Blog the other day when I was looking into shoe fetishes (duh). I'd love to market on all the shoes I own. Does anyone know how to get into foot fetish modeling?

Rendezvous

While making plans via text today with one of my married men I was thinking, maybe I should go through a few steps of the business transaction with him again to see if his reasons for coming to my bed have changed. He says his wife is hot and that he does have remorse for our sexual encounters (which I'm not sure I entirely believe). Perhaps I am being paranoid. I have trust issues (which have been exacerbated lately) and am finding that I am constantly questioning people's motives. In any case I should just stop my worrying and enjoy the oral i've been promised for lunch tomorrow.