An update on an update

So I wrote a few days ago that I got a "semi-hostile" response from the girlfriend in this post way back in May. She actually sent me another email apologizing for sounding rude and we've exchanged a couple of emails, gotten some issues out in the air, and are starting to get to know each other. It feels a lot better, communicating than just sitting on it and stewing and never knowing what might have happened. Just wanted to brief y'all on that, if anyone was wondering. I'm sure no one cares about me living on the brink of the poverty level and whining about how my migraines are ruining my quality of life. I've done enough of that lately. So... I'mma enjoy the rest of my microwave pizza (one of the Freschetta ones) and get ready for my Thursday bowling league. Ta.

My first lesbian experience

When I'm upset and restless, I sit down to write. I have struggled with depression since my teen years (never diagnosed until a couple of years ago) and during my depressive moments, I wrote, drew. Well kiddos, I'm having a shitty night (a fight with Number 1, if you must know) so I'mma fucking write.

My first lesbian experience was back in late February or March this year. Number 1 was living with me at the time because I couldn't let him sleep in his car. He asked me if his girlfriend could come over. There was a big fight about that. I don't trust women, and I certainly don't trust people I don't know in my home. After a blow up, I consented. It was an awkward meeting and I  was dealing with having to see someone I still loved with another woman. The lesbian encounter was his idea, like she and I would be sister wives or something.

Let me preface this by stating that I am very, very picky about the physical appearance of women. I want someone as pretty as me (vain, I know) with big tits. Tattoos and piercings are also a plus, so is intelligence. No, intelligence is a plus. I can look past physical appearance if there's a real connection.

But let's face it, kids. This was our second meeting ever and I was so not attracted to this girl. Didn't like the way she kissed (too wet, too much tongue... I hate tongue), she has small boobs, and bad skin. We were each other's firsts so we didn't know what we were doing and were awkwardly being directed into a more awkward 69 by Number 1. Naively, I assumed another woman would taste similar to me, like a lot of guys taste similar. She had a metallic taste that was undoubtedly the result of the heavy narcotics she was on for chronic pain and a misdiagnosis of cancer (misdiagnosis... wonderful, right?). We had our orgasms, and then thankfully Number 1 took over. And then I fucked things up by biting him hard on the shoulder while he was fucking me. Yes, I was trying to mark him.

Needless to say the night didn't end well and I woke up to hear them fucking on the couch. Which really irritated me and made me more jealous.

Hopefully some day I can find a pretty and experienced girl to play with.

Quick poll

I was thinking about a redesign, and I would like to make this blog mobile-friendly. For those of you that view the blog on a mobile phone, what type of OS browser do you use? Do you have difficulty viewing the format of the page and if so, what issues do you have? Any feedback would be amazing. Android users like myself may not have issues since the browsing experience is similar to to what you would see on a computer, but for you others, speak up! :)

Now that it's cooled down, I'm going for a walk around the neighborhood!

It's too hot!

May I just say, I was thrilled this morning to find that I now have two readers and a bunch of international hits on this blog. Just the other day I was thinking "is it worth it to keep writing? Is anyone reading?" but yes, yes you are and that's a boost that I needed. Thank you, readers! I also received a semi-hostile email from the girlfriend involved in this post when I attempted to extend an olive branch. Meh.

So what's new with me? I've been battling migraines and have therefore missed a lot of work this week, which blows. The bills are piling up and this blog unfortunately is a non-profit organization, like its author. *badun-chhhh* I've also been freaking out a little about applying for grad school. I got my BA in English in '05 (I actually think my university considered it a BS, weird) so I'm out of the academic loop. Pair that with not having kept in contact with any of my professors... well, I am a panicker. But my fears have been allayed and now I can relax in the sweltering heat and humidity in the nude and start getting my shit together.

I'm always looking for  things to write about and don't always have time to research so if anyone finds an interesting link or article shoot it my way.

Why you should read Playboy

Most people scoff when I and others say "I read Playboy for the articles." Yeah, it's a titty mag, but if you really sit down and look through an issue, you will find witty cartoons and very, very insightful, intelligent and provocative articles. Take the July issue with Crystal Harris (on newsstands now); there are two articles, hidden in the back of the issue, that immediately caught my attention and well, hit a little close to home.

Fight for your Rights by Christian Kahrl discusses the ongoing struggle of transgendered individuals in today's society. I went to what was unflatteringly referred to as the "gay school" in the UMaine system. Yes, there was a high population of gay, lesbian, and bi students (hello second floor of Scott Hall South!) and there were at least two transgendered individuals. One was a male to female individual and my first encounter with a transgendered individual. I knew her first as a man, the kind person who fixed my cable one day who then went on to complete hormone therapy, and a couple of years later, gender reassignment surgery. She and a female to make transgendered individual spoke to my human sexuality class one day, and MTF described herself as "the happiest person alive."

While the process of gender reassignment, from therapy to hormones to the actual surgery was detailed, I never knew the other struggles that would entail, until Kahrl's article opened my naive eyes. The difficulty transgendered individuals face in merely becoming individuals is astounding:  mounds of red tape in name changes, gender changes on birth certificates and social security, and overall discrimination. As Kahrl quite succinctly put it in the article: "Rights as citizens are only for those who can afford them." Thankfully, it seems that a branch of the CDC called the NCTE is looking to make changes to the difficulty transgendered individuals have in changing the gender on their birth certificates. I found that article via The National Center for Transgender Equality, should anyone be interested in their own research.

The second article in this month's Playboy that caught my attention was Old Fears by Jeff Krehely, concerning the rights and care of elderly LGBT individuals. We now have a demographic of LGBT senior citizens and again raises the concern of visitation and legal rights for couples who may have had a long-standing and monogamous relationship with their partner that is not legally recognized as a marriage because, gasp, while legal in many states, "the Defense of Marriage Act prevents the federal government from recognizing these unions." It is appalling that, should some day, as a bisexual individual, I end up sharing my end of days with a woman that she not be allowed the same rights to see me in the hospital if I was ill as an opposite sex partner would.

Also horrifying is the thought that elderly LGBT individuals receiving in-home care or residing in convalescent or retirement homes are suffering neglect and abuse by people that don't want to be seen as "gay" for holding a person's hand or bathing them, and worse are the tales of emotional abuse by fundamentalists who would read Bible quotes to their patients. The most horrifying account in the article was of "a transgender woman with Alzheimer's disease at a long-term care facility whose staff refused to respect the woman's gender identity. 'Instead, they would dress her in men's clothing-- a daily occurrence  that was increasingly distressing for a woman already struggling with day-to-day cognitive functioning.'"

If that was my relative, I would be fucking livid and not only would I pull them from the facility, the facility would see themselves hit with a hefty lawsuit as well. My paternal grandmother had Alzheimer's before she passed, and had in-home care. While she was not transgendered or lesbian, she was vegetarian. One of her caretakers tried to feed her meat once. Grammie had been vegetarian since she was a young girl, and even with Alzheimer's, still maintained that lifestyle. While I personally don't think vegetarianism is a healthy lifestyle, far be it for me to pass judgment and impose my ideals on someone assuming that they no longer have any sort of independent thought.

Kudos to Hugh Hefner and his publication for presenting articles that are truly important and thought-provoking. If only society could get over themselves and buy and issue or two and really read the articles, maybe more social change could happen.

Also for your reading pleasure: the PFLAG website

Frustrations

I rarely have erotic dreams and I've had two back-to-back this week. Mine aren't very enjoyable, I never climax in them. To add to the frustration I haven't been in the mood at all lately. I've actually been in a slump. Meh.

Entrapment

A few nights ago Number 1 called me after one of his girlfriend's many hormone therapy-induced freakouts. She doesn't trust him and I think she's crossed a line, we just have no proof of this but some strong suspicion.

A few days ago he received a text message from a number he did not recognize from someone stating she's had a crush on him for a long time, ever since he told her "nice ass" (ladies, don't feel flattered, he says that to everyone). He asked her if she had a Facebook page because he couldn't think of who it could be. She told him "no, but I can make one for you." He got a link to a freshly made Facebook page with a senior portrait-esque profile picture. He started to get suspicious, especially when this person he did not know asked to be his girlfriend. One night he was home, playing video games, apparently texting this mystery person, still trying to figure out who it was when his girlfriend texted him.

Her: who you talking to?
Him: No one
Her: I know you're talking to someone!

She then freaked out and threatened to kill herself (again). He had to go to her town where she lives and find her and talk her down and burn gas he doesn't have the money for.

It's all a little suspicious to me.

Have any of you seen Chloe? Basic premise is a woman suspects her husband is cheating so she hires a prostitute to tempt him to see if he takes the bait to find out if he really is unfaithful to her. There's more to the movie than that and I won't give it away because it's a really good film, but you get the gist.

And the hot streak fizzles

I had a hot streak of posts and it kind of fizzled out with the holiday and the migraines and all. I had an article queued up in a tab to write about, but when I read it I realized it was not very good fodder for an entry. Fear not, though; there's an article in the July Playboy that looks promising, I just haven't felt well enough to sit and read, let alone string together a coherent thought. No migraine today so we'll see what happens after bowling.

I broached the topic of kink with my Foot Fetish Friend the other night after a really hard fuck (one of those where I didn't care if I had an orgasm or not, I just needed to be pounded). I found it difficult to start the conversation, because after all, you don't just walk up to someone and  say "hello, are you a Dom or a Sub? Do you like whips?" So yeah. We're exploring that territory tentatively and I encouraged him to set up a FetLife account (although he said he didn't want to invade on my "thing" whatever that is).

Just a PSA

Here's your public service announcement, because I get annoyed easily:

1. No, I don't want to meet up
2. Unless I know you, I won't add you on FetLife (if you find me) and am not open to meeting strangers for coffee. Want to be on my friends list? Send a message and chat me up first
3. Not a whore for hire
4. No, I'm not looking for anyone

Entries on more academic subjects to come later. Peace.

The disadvantage of black sheets...

... Is how visible the cum stains are. Le sigh.

I have a friend with benefits that I've been seeing regularly. Very enthusiastic about oral. Which makes me think... People seem to be all for oral sex or are completely against it. Why of that? I personally love sucking cock. I like the way it feels, like how I can elicit a huge response with a little flick of the tongue. But a lot of women to see it as a chore. In my limited experience, men seem to be much more enthusiastic about oral sex. In fact, of the partners I've had, only one said "no. I don't DO that." Granted, he's young and never tried, but come on! My motto is "don't knock it until you try it."

A mouth on genitals is a whole different experience than hands or even your partner's bits. Giving pleasure to my partner is important, and an enthusiastic mouth in my crotch is rewarded.

Maybe oral is just one of those things that sex partners are afraid to discuss? We are, after all, trained as a society to find our genitals ugly, dirty, and sinful.

Needless to say I had a good night tonight. Notwithstanding, I am having a characteristic bout of insomnia which finds me here, posting from my phone. So. Discuss. Any good articles about oral sex? Anyone? Beuller?