Making changes

It's cold and windy and 4am, I don't sleep at night any more and my teeth are killing me. There's a chill creeping in that's got me tempted to grab my laptop purely for warmth as I think 2 more days until sunny Florida. I've got an entry writing in my head and I'm thinking of bringing my laptop on vacation with me but when my mother asks what I'm writing I don't really want to explain to her that I'm a sex blogger. I'm hoping to gain some clarity while I'm away; I've already made some changes to the way I'm going to be as a sexual being so that I can have healthier relationships. Being away from home and from everyone will give me time to think. When it comes down to it, I'm kind of a broken person right now. But I'm going to fix that.

Now if only I could get on a normal sleep pattern...

Insomnia and late night public television

I just caught the tail end of a documentary about Iranian transgendered individuals that I think was called "Be Like Others" (anyone know? Little help?). What little I saw was fascinating and sad; one individual was a prostitute who, prior to engaging in sex acts, had a temporary Islamic marriage to their client so that it was not a crime against God. Because she did not have functioning female parts, she could get a temporary marriage every few hours. The other person had a male boyfriend who would not give her family a proper engagement and dowry which frustrated her mother (it surprised me that the mother acknowledged her biological son as her post-op daughter). I really wish I had been able to see the whole documentary.

Do you Cry When You Have Sex?

For the first time, recently, Foot Fetish Boyfriend experienced for what men is probably a terrifying sight after sex: me crying (not that me crying, in particular, is terrifying, I cry pretty, thankyouverymuch). With alarm, he asked what was wrong while I laughed and cried and batted his concerned hands away.

Yes, folks, at times, even I, the Other Woman, am a post-sex crier. Sex is an emotional thing, you know? That night, it was because I finally felt good enough about myself to actually have and enjoy sex. I used to cry a lot during sex with  Number 1 for various reasons. The day after I found out he cheated on me and we had angry sex and he let me scream out all my hate while reclaiming what was mine I cried after. Other times I cried because it was that good. Sometimes I cried because I knew it could only ever be an affair and never a relationship again. Particularly with him, it brought out mixed emotions of loathing myself for going back time and time again, jealousy, and loving him. Sex just  seems to bring all that shit to the surface.

I only cry with the ones I'm emotionally invested in. I never cried after  sex with the Married One or the Young One (oh, haven't written about him!), only the ones I care about. The ones I get into relationships with.

I'm not sure what sparked the inspiration for this. I was actually browsing through Women Who Stray looking for some interesting psychological articles  to write about but all of a sudden this came to my head. And I tell you what... I couldn't find shit to listen to while writing. *disgruntled*

Anyway, are you a sex crier?

Depression and Cheating

For those of you who have been keeping up with this blog, you know that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and that I have been having some serious libido problems lately. Last night I experienced a rapid downward cycle (can I say it is weird to feel yourself cycle?) into depression and was up way later than anyone should have and awoke way cranky when Foot Fetish Boyfriend called me around 1 in the afternoon.

Anyway, I decided this afternoon to do some research into the effects of depression on libido, since that's a problem for me right now, and came across a really interesting article instead. The title caught me immediately: Can Infidelity Cure Depression? Hmm... I thought, very interesting question.

David J. Ley, PhD states that extramarital affairs by depressed women can have "The psychological effects of extramarital sex can involve feelings of increased self-esteem, and feelings of attractiveness, that other men find a woman attractive. That attention, and the thrills of developing a new relationship, even the excitement and risk of cheating, can all reduce feelings of depression. Of course, the negative consequences of a discovered affair could certainly increase depression, but during the early stages of the affair, those symptoms might be reduced." As someone who has always struggled with self esteem, I can certainly identify with what Ley is saying here. Not feeling good about yourself, and being able to get physical comfort from someone is a great boost to one's self esteem. And here's another shocking fact I was not aware of:

in having more sex, they may be getting something else that fights depression: semen. Believe it or not, research by Gallup and Burch reveals that men have been using a secret chemical weapon in the sex war. When analyzed, men's semen is shown to contain high levels (higher than mere accident) of numerous psychoactive hormones and substances.

I'm not advocating cheating, and nor is Ley, but the article in a whole has some interesting points. I also might add that there is a certain control factor in pursuing an affair that is helpful in lifting a mood; think about how depression make you feel: helpless, defeated, low. From my personal experience, when I used to 'hunt'  my boys, I felt great, desirable, dressed up, in control. Granted, I had some of my worst manic periods then, but I controlled the depression, it didn't control me, until I got lonely. It is, however, interesting food for thought.

A Change of Pace

I originally started this blog with the intention of making it something of an expose on the how and why of men that cheat and my experiences being the other women. However, as I grow and change as a person, as I encounter changes in my life and sexuality, so must this blog change too. The core concept will always center around sexuality and to some point, infidelity; one thing, though, that I find very important to include are real-world issues surrounding sexuality and sexual health. In this, I hope to find a wider audience, to reach out to those who may think they are alone in a situation, to educate. I am still going to include personal anecdotes because I believe we can all learn from each other. I will still try to keep abreast of the news when it comes to health and sexuality. I want this to be a blog people find interesting, subscribable, and sometimes, witty. This blog is me, 100%.

When two charities close to my heart collide...

The author of Coincidence and Leprechauns linked this article on her Facebook page and I am... speechless. I am so disappointed in the Susan G. Komen Foundation and feel let down by them; my Nana was a 3 time survivor of breast cancer and with another friend facing the possibility of breast cancer, I always found them inspirational. But it seems politics has gotten in the way. And Planned Parenthood is a very, very important resource for all women. It breaks my heart, really.

Susan G. Komen Begins Backpedaling for the Cure Read it and weep