The vicious cycle

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It's been a rough past few days that was topped off by a migraine so I apologize that I have been remiss in writing. One of the rough spots of my weekend was the friend I had sex with. We had to have a Difficult Conversation about the viability of a relationship between the two of us. While I like him and he apparently likes me a lot, we realized that my lifestyle, my very personality, would prevent any successful relationship between us. A bit bittersweet. Here's how our conversation went:

Him: I know you've become accustomed to this lifestyle, but I could make you happy and give you what you need so you don't need other men.
Me: It's not the sex I seek out. It's the hunt, the chase, the attention, the accomplishment. I would hurt you. It's in my nature.

While I would love a relationship, yearn for it, I don't have the heart to actually hurt someone. I know, through a lot of introspection, that this is who I am. I am a man-stealer, a predator. The anxiety I get over hurting an innocent person because of who I am makes me keep everyone at arm's length so they don't get too close. Am I lonely? Yes. Does it suck, oh hell yes. It's funny, isn't it? A slut with morals.

What's funny is that apparently everyone on our old production team at work knows now that he and I fucked. We blew their timeline out of the water; they thought it had been happening much longer. Ha. Assholes. But, those are the risks inherent in fucking a coworker.